I’m writing this because there seems to be a major lack in common sense spewing out of idiots around the world. Seriously, it’s like being pregnant gives everyone an opinion, no matter how rude, that they absolutely MUST state to a pregnant woman. So I’m making a list of things you should not say or do around a pregnant woman. This may be added to later on!!! The thing is, if we heard these comments only once or twice, it wouldn’t be too terrible. BUT, we get bombarded with these same questions numerous times a day. And let me tell you, patience isn’t high on any pregnant woman’s list of accomplishments during those 9 months of growing a little person, it’s just not. Granted, I’ve been one of those rude people, but I pray that the friends I said these things to know that it was out of naivety not to be rude!
Weight Comments:
First of all, under no circumstances, do you ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you absolutely know she is. Some women are heftier than others and may ‘appear’ pregnant, but in fact, are not. So, unless you know, probably better to keep your mouth shut.
Do not ever tell a pregnant woman that she’s “HUGE!” How would you feel if someone came up to you while you were trying to maintain a healthy weight and say, “Damn, you’re fat!”? Because honestly, that’s how most pregnant women hear it.
Likewise, don’t say, “wow, you look so small for being X months.” Some woman wish they had a belly bump at least. Better yet, just don’t say anything regarding how big or small they are for how many weeks or months they are!
“Are you sure there’s only one in there?” Most likely, by the time a woman is showing in her pregnancy, she’s had a few ultrasounds and heartbeat checks. The doctors and techs would have probably heard a second/third heartbeat or seen two babies. Granted there are the occasional misses, but doubtful with today’s technology.
“How much weight have you gained?” Would you ask a non-pregnant woman this? Shut up. It’s no one’s business how much weight a woman gains during her pregnancy except her and her doctor, and even then a lot of women don’t want to know.
“You weren’t this big last time you were pregnant!” Hey dumbass, normally with sequential pregnancies, a woman tends to “show” sooner because her stomach muscles have already gone through this process. But for your information, I took photos of myself from last pregnancy, and I look the same this far along with this one! SO THERE!
Timing:
Don’t say, “You must be due any day now!” unless you know they’re due any day. Even then, just don’t say it. They are most likely so miserable if they’re due the next day and are paranoid they’re going to go over their due date.
“Wow, you’re only X months? You still have a long way to go!” or the opposite, “You’re already X months? It’s only a bit longer.” If the woman is a happy pregnant woman, this might not be too bad, but to the miserable pregnant woman who is suffering with a lot of bad pregnancy symptoms, she really doesn’t need to be reminded about how close or far the finish line is!
“Pregnancy in the summer/winter sucks, doesn’t it?” For me, yes, the summer pregnancy sucks. I’ll take a winter one any day. However, you don’t know how long some women have been trying for a baby. A lot of things suck during the winter or summer months, but do you make a point to explain that to everyone? So what makes the pregnant woman so acceptable to say stupid things to?
Reproduction:
“Don’t you know what causes this?” Like a mom who has more than one kid hasn’t heard this one before :::eyeroll::: I’m fairly certain anyone who went to a public middle/high school knows how babies are made. Stop asking stupid questions.
“Are you done after this one?” If they are, they are, if they’re not, they’re not. It’s not up for discussion besides the mom and dad (and maybe anyone that might be financing them and their kids – but I won’t go there!).
“Will you be getting your tubes tied/Will your husband get the big ‘V’ done?” Again, this is not something that needs to be discussed except the mom, dad, and their medical team.
“Are you going to keep trying for a boy/girl?” in response to the second/third/fourth girl/boy of the family. This could be extremely offensive. It implies that a family doesn’t love their daughter or son simply because of their gender.
“Aren’t you upset that you aren’t having (insert opposite gender here)?” Not many pregnant women will admit they are if they truly are. Most women just want a healthy baby. Aren’t you upset that you’re an idiot and ask stupid questions?
“Was the baby planned?” Umm, does it matter?
Food:
“You shouldn’t eat that!” Don’t tell a pregnant woman what she should or shouldn’t eat, unless you are her doctor!
“You’re eating for two! You need to eat more!” Umm, actually, according to most doctors, you only need an additional 300 calories while pregnant. That is equivalent to a bit over regular size snickers bar.
Advice:
“You think you’re X now? Just wait!” No pregnant woman wants to hear that even though they have sleepless nights now, they’re going to have even less with a newborn. Even first time moms (FTM) are aware of this. Let them live in naive bliss!
“You better rest now, because you won’t have any time to when the baby arrives!” Umm, yea, we will. And besides, the newborn stage doesn’t last forever.
“You can sleep when the baby sleeps!” This was the absolute WORST advice I heard during my first pregnancy. Why, you may ask. Because I’m OCD. I can’t stand when my house is a mess. So when my DD was sleeping, I actually wanted to clean up my house. I know my limits, and if I was really tired, I took a nap.
"Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Unless you know the mom personally, don’t assume anything. I’ve had friends who went years trying to conceive and this comment would absolutely crush them. Of course they’re ready, and even if they’re not, well, it’s a bit late for that one!
"Your DS (dear son)/DD (dear daughter) is going to be the absolute worst when s/he realizes they are no longer the center of attention." Again, shut it. You are not God. You have no idea how a pregnant woman’s older children/child will be affected by an addition to the household.
“Let me tell you about my (horrendous, terrifying, awful, horrible) birth of my child.” Don’t try to scare the FTMs with your horrid birthing stories! You might think it’s awesome, but they might not!
Random other comments:
“How are you feeling?” If the woman stays, “fine” but looks horrible, chances are, she doesn’t want to go into details. And chances are, YOU don’t want her to go into details, so don’t ask it 10 times in a row because she looks awful and you’re SURE she’s not “fine” unless you’re her husband/partner. Even then, it might not be safe!
“I’d never want (insert gender of your baby here) first!” Now that’s rude. Just because you want a boy/girl first and the poor woman is having the opposite, doesn’t mean you should say anything. It’s probably why you don’t have a kid yet anyway!
“How many times are you going to go to the bathroom?!?!” Do you ask anyone else this question? No, then SHUT UP!
“You look like you’re carrying (insert gender).” The old wives takes are a lie. I carry high and in front only. I basically look like I have a basketball under my shirt. I’m having a girl, I had a girl my last pregnancy that looked exactly like this one. So yea, those aren’t exactly accurate, and again, the woman has probably already found out due to her 20 week anatomy scan.
“You’re taking the elevator already? You must really be out of shape!” Seriously, there are days I can walk up stairs, and days I can’t. Either way, shut up!
“You didn’t have that kid yet?” Umm, hey genius, here’s a clue, if I’m standing in front of you talking; I haven’t had the baby yet. Stop asking!!!
“What’s the baby’s name?” “(insert baby’s name).” “Oh, well, that’s interesting.” There is a reason a lot of families do not divulge the baby’s name before he or she is born. They really don’t want to hear you’re smart ass responses. If you don’t like the baby’s name so much, go out and have your own. This is especially true for family members (that aren’t the mom/dad).
Things not to do:
Never touch a pregnant woman’s belly unless she’s given you permission, even if you are her parents, her SO’s parents, or family. And for Pete’s sake don’t touch a random stranger’s belly!!!! WTF is wrong with you!?!?
Don’t stare. It just makes someone feel self-conscious.
Appropriate comments: (I really don’t think I need to provide explanations for these ones)
“Wow, you look great!”
“From behind, you don’t even LOOK pregnant!”
“Man, I wish my pregnancy was as awesome as yours!” (and mean it)
And when a woman tells you she’s pregnant, the only correct response is “Congratulations!” Anything else is rude.
Overall, a lot of this could be avoided if most people THOUGHT before speaking. Ask yourself, if this woman wasn’t pregnant, would I still ask her this/say this to her? If the answer is no, then there you go. If you aren’t close to said woman, then most likely, she’s not going to divulge any major issues with you. And seriously, if you are a guy, don’t comment about most pregnancy related issues. You have not, nor will ever be pregnant, so don’t pretend you “know it all” unless you are a medical OB. Even then, unless you’re this woman’s OB, shut it. Most of the time, we’re cranky, tired, sore, etc and we really don’t need to be bother by your “humorous” comments!
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