Little Man's Grand Debut!

Baby boy has arrived!!!

I woke up having mild and not painful contractions. No big deal as I've had them for weeks without any progress. I had my 39 week check up so I figured we'd have no change. On my way there, I ended up having 3 contractions, one that I pulled over for. Once at the doctor's, I was checked and was told I was at 2 cm and now 50% effaced and baby's head was engaged. 

So hubby and I decided to hang out with our 2 little ladies at the park. I was still having contractions so we finally headed home around 12. Once home we managed to get both of the girls down for naps. I was getting contractions every 6 minutes for 40 seconds at a time around 3:30. Hubby told me to call the doctor, but I was still sure that nothing was happening. Well, the doctor told me to go head to the hospital.

Hubby and I checked into triage around 5. I was checked and still at 2-3 cm and 50%. But now my contractions were every 2 minutes for 45-60 seconds and getting more intense. I was checked again at 7 but again, only to 3 cm. Based on my pain level and consistency of contractions, they admitted me into my delivery room.

I was able to sit on the birthing ball for a while but the contractions were getting worse. All my contractions were in the back and around my lower abs. That sucked. Because I was fairly tired, I decided to get the stadol. I was checked before getting it and was around 4 cm. My doctor told the resident to check me in an hour and to call him as soon as I got to 5 cm. He didn't want to miss the birth considering he almost did with our second. Well, I was at 6 cm and 80% only an hour later.

Cue doctor being called to get in. By the time he arrived close to 11, I was now at 9 cm and 100% effaced. I was feeling the need to push, but baby was still a bit high. So my water was broken around 11:15, and I immediately felt a bit of relief from the pressure. Finally, at 11:30 I was ready to push, or at least, everyone else was ready for me to push.

I may have panicked a bit... But 4 pushes and 9 minutes later, our little baby boy was born. They attempted skin to skin contact with me, but I was in so much pain, I couldn't hold him. Thankfully, I didn't tear so no stitches were needed! Little man had a big noggin and they needed to vacuum him out (his heartrate also dropped when I pushed and they were afraid the cord was around his neck, luckily it wasn't). 

He was born at 11:39 pm on November 6, 2013. He weighed in at 7lbs 9oz and measured 20" long. He was extremely hungry. I was rolled to my room at about 2 am. Hubby went home to be with the girls and to get some much needed rest! Me on the other hand...

We are dealing with a bit of a scare, as he stopped breathing for 20 seconds at 3:30 and had his O2 drop twice after and again around 7:30. His blood sugar was low as well, so they fed him formula there to get his levels back up. They'll need to do several more feedings with formula to double check his sugars stabilize. They're taking him to be monitored more in the NICU. Bah. At least our wonderful nurse who helped with Peanut's delivery is my nurse right now. She's being a Godsend. And I know pur hospital has an amazing NICU so he's in good hands. Hubby will be here soon with coffee and we'll go check out little man then.

So, How Are You Feeling?

I can answer that the same way in one word every time.  Exhausted.  And now, I'm starting to panic.  Joy!  I didn't panic having one child, or when we had our second.  I knew it would be okay.  But I'm really starting to panic now that number 3 is on his way.  

I'm trying not to feel lazy when resting.  I hate that I cannot get up and down to play with the girls, though I completely remember being ecstatic the moment I got home from the hospital and could finally play with Peanut again after Bean arrived!  I've been getting winded going up a flight of stairs, so I usually take 5 minutes to go upstairs and end up having my 2 year old pass me.  It's always bad when my girls are dragging their feet and are STILL going faster than I am.

I've had a lot of friends and family tell me that they can't believe I'm still doing as much as I've been doing.  The problem is, if I don't, I feel lazy.  I am completely unmotivated.  It's like I either go 80 miles an hour or 0.  There's no in between with my motivation and it's aggravating.  I'm a bit OCD, but I've had to let a LOT go to keep my sanity.  But my house is a wreck.  I get excited when I vacuum now.  Thankfully, Peanut has started helping to pick up the toys that I cannot bend over anymore to get.  Granted, it might take me asking for over an hour, but consistency. 

Being a stay at home mom to a 2 year old (eep!  I can't believe Bean's 2 now) and a 3.5 year old is exhausting in and of itself, but add being almost 33 weeks pregnant.  Phew.  I've been told anything from "God bless you" to "wow, you must have your hands full" to "good luck".  Thankfully, I've had the "I've been there and we survived.  I don't really remember how, but we did.  You will too" and I'm holding onto that.  It's also difficult right now, because it's my hubby's busy season at work so he's traveling a lot.  Even when he's working in the office, he still has a 3 hour round trip commute assuming there's no traffic.  When he's home, he's been so great with the girls.  Peanut constantly wants to play games with him and help him with everything he does.  Bean loves to listen to him practice his music and will clap after every song and yell "YAY!"

Anyway, so if you're around me and I seem like I am suffering from ADHD, or maybe turrets, and am snappy or 'out of it', I'm sorry.  Just say an extra prayer for me.  I'm praying a lot these days.  I know these days will fly by and I'll miss them, so I'm trying to take the joy and positive from all these fun life experiences!  I have had a very uneventful pregnancy and I'm very excited to be carrying this little Nugget.  But I'm definitely ready for November to hurry up and get here.  I'm ready to meet my little boy, but I don't want him coming early.  God truly has blessed me, even if I'm exhausted, and I am thankful for all those blessings. 

9/11 - 12 years later.

Like many others have posted, I will never forget what happened to this great nation 12 years ago. I was sleeping in my dorm when my roommate's mom called (at 6:30 am) and left a sobbing message. We both said, geez, who died? We didn't have a TV so we went to class like normal where I later heard what happened. It was very surreal in Tucson because I was freaking due to knowing a lot of people working in NYC then they said something about the flight going down in rural PA. I had no idea where they were and since I grew up in (at the time) rural PA, I totally freaked out since I couldn't get a hold of anyone back home and never heard where in PA the plane went down.  I still struggle watching the footage of the towers and pentagon, even though I didn't watch much of the footage until a few years ago because I also couldn't fathom the magnitude of it.  I don't think I will ever be able to watch it without becoming emotional.  I try so hard not to be angry with the people responsible or with the lack of justice brought to some of those who are held.

I try hard to do the Christian thing and forgive.  It's kind of ironic that today's devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministries (I subscribe to their daily devotional) is titled "God Gets Angry for You".  The author isn't talking about 9/11, but the message fits how a lot of us still feel.  Angry.  How do you forgive someone who hates you just because you are American?  Because you're Christian?  Because you believe something differently than what they believe in?  How?  Because that's what the Bible tells us to do.  We are to forgive those even if they aren't sorry.  But that doesn't mean God allows them to be unpunished.  We do not see everything that He does.  And 'when we realize God is angry for us, it removes a burden we aren't big enough to carry.'  

Because the anger that I have is too big for me to carry alone.  If I let it, it would consume me.  And then that's when the terrorists win.  Because they wanted to change the way we live forever ('The enemy thinks he can steal dignity and peace from you, but as you release your anger to God, you keep your self-worth and calm instead').  And in some ways, they did win.  I remember when I could walk another person to the gate at an airport when I wasn't boarding the flight.  We didn't have to take off our shoes or go through metal detectors, or have multiple bag searches to fly across country.  The government has the patriot act, reads our emails, follows our internet feeds, and we're constantly on guard.

But forgiveness is for the one giving out the forgiveness, not for the one receiving it.  There is a large difference between forgiveness and forgetting what has happened too.  Just because you forgive, doesn't mean you forget the evil that has happened or you even tolerate the acts.  It means you let go of its power of affecting you.  Yes, you may be on guard more and have learned from it, but overall, it no longer has power of your emotions. I love the last statement in the devotion, 'With His help, you can forgive the unforgivable.'  But we need to choose that path or let evil consume us as well.  

Exercise Career??

I've been praying recently about what I really want to do with my life (as in job/career) once my kids begin going to school.  I've really been into my fitness classes and making sure I am getting in shape (heck I only want to keep up with my kids when they're running rampant around the park).  There's no doubt that I have had a hard time coming to terms that my body has changed so drastically since having kids.  I love my body now, but initially after I had my oldest (who is only 3), I definitely struggled coming to terms with my new shape.  And I know many of my family and friends would state that I'm skinny so why am I aggravated?  Well, I have different problem areas.  Areas that never were an issue before kids have suddenly were weird shapes after.

My girlfriend actually has inspired me.  I've never had an issue with indulgence eating.  In fact, I've had an issue with eating in general where I'd typically skip a meal because I'd forget or had better things to do.  Just ask my dad.  I'm fairly certain my parents thought I was anorexic as a child.  But my friend, we continually say that God put us in each other's lives for a purpose, has shared with me her own personal struggle of comfort eating as opposed to eating to benefit her body.  God has blessed us with these bodies, not to over indulge in food and gluttony, but to take care of them!  I'd love to help other women, specifically moms, come to a similar realization with their own eating habits and bodies.

I decided to get my LeBarre certification after my exercise trainer, Heather, owner of Sweat Like a Girl (she's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G) made an off-hand comment for me to get it.  I love ballet, though my body was never designed for it (awesomely long legs but too top heavy), and LeBarre is an awesome workout for the non ballerina.  But it got me thinking.  I have always enjoyed dance and exercise.  I'd love to work with women who are pregnant or new moms and help them come to love their bodies, no matter what shape or size they become.  Because becoming a first time mom is so emotionally overwhelming, it can be a harsh reality that your body is no longer what it was at 17.  Sure, you know it happens, but doesn't it typically happen to other people?  That stuff doesn't happen to you!

So, maybe this is a path to venture down.  No matter what, I'll trust God will lead me where He wants me and where I'm needed.

Power of a Positive Wife

I'm currently reading "The Power of a Positive Wife" by Karol Ladd.  For my friends who are Christian, I cannot recommend this book enough!  Over and over, I have been reading that we aren't responsible for someone else's happiness or actions, but we are responsible for our own response to others.  And I want to be a positive light in my husband's world. I want to do what I can to help contribute to my husband's happiness.  

For those who don't know, my hubby travels for work, often.  It's rare if he's working in the office for longer than 1 full week at a time, and even more rare for him to be able to work from home.  Which pretty much leaves everything around the home and with the kids to me.  It's okay.  I love being a stay at home mom and homemaker.  I'm the OCD organizer of the house.  You may not see it immediately when you walk in if the kids are awake and there are toys strewn about our entirely too small home.  But look at my closet, as it's organized by color then sleeve length.  Or take a peek into the dishwasher.  The glasses are sorted in the top rack by type and the plates in the lower and don't even get me started on having the silverware bin organized!

Yup, I enjoy cleaning.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's because it was basically a past time in my home growing up.  Seriously, you would have thought we were having Better Home and Gardens coming to photograph it daily.  But it was neat and organized, and I loved it.  I've had to take a step back now that we have small children running rampant in our home.  My dad continually tells me that I don't remember how disastrous our home was when my brother and I were little.  But I digress.  I get a sense of pride and satisfaction in having a clean and well organized home.

I've been out of sorts the past few months and I've let our home get cluttered.  I finally kicked my butt into gear last week when I finally had enough.  I have a million excuses why I'm allowed to let my house get messy; I've got an almost 2 and 3 year old, I'm 26 weeks pregnant, hubby is out of town, no one is coming to visit, our house is too small, we have too much stuff, potty training a 22 month old is a bit difficult and exhausting, the list goes on.  But it was making me twitch on an almost hourly basis.

Yesterday, I was so exhausted once 3 pm hit.  The dishes were piled in the sink, the toys were everywhere, and I could barely get myself off the couch long enough to get the 3 of us dinner and in bed.  I finally got the kids in bed and was settling in my own for some evening reading time.  Under the section of Domestic Diva, she talks about doing the dishes tonight and how awesome you'll feel when you wake up to a clean kitchen.  I knew she was right.  So, I dragged myself back downstairs to clean up the kitchen.  And I did feel awesome this morning when I came downstairs to a cleaned kitchen at 5:30 this morning instead of needing to clean it.

I now have a daily to-do list of things that need to be done each day in each room to make sure the house doesn't get too overwhelmingly disastrous.  I don't want to spend an entire day cleaning out a particular room (although without 2 small helpers, I could probably do it a bit quicker).  I also have a plan in place to do deep cleaning once a week (like dusting, moving furniture around to clean underneath) in each room, laundry, mending, and errands.  I like an organized home and schedule.  It doesn't mean I stick to my schedule 100%, but I write down an idea of things I'd like to get done so I don't feel like such a bump on a log at the end of the day.

I take great pride in my house.  And I like to have it done before the hubby gets home.  He jokes that he loves the decor of  the hotels he stays at and would love it if our room basically looked like one too!  So I take that into account when trying to keep our room neat and tidy.  I want him to come home and not feel like he has to do anything.  Granted, if I were working outside the home, our chores would be much different.  But my job is to stay home with the kids and take care of the home.  It's what works for US.  It doesn't work for everyone and that's what I love about this book.  She states to find the balance for what works in YOUR home. 

I will warn my nonChristian friends that this book is heavy on the scripture verses and what God wants from you in your marriage.  But it is definitely worth the read. 

Mid-year Resolutions and Goals

Since today is the midway point of this year, I think it's time to re-evaluate my year's resolutions and goals.  I've been having such a difficult time of focusing my time and energy between the 2 girls and this pregnancy (a boy!).  Not to mention keeping the house organized, everyone fed, myself halfway presentable, I need to keep some spare energy to make sure I focus on my husband.  I've been thinking long and hard of how to refocus my day.  I find myself pushing too hard when I finally do become motivated and then end up so exhausted, I'm down for the count for 2 days following.  This is obviously not working for me or my family.  The more I want to do, the less I've been able to accomplish.

Things I want to accomplish:

1. Keep my house cleaned weekly and pickup/organize daily
2. Update my blog twice a month and write in my family journals weekly (I have one for each of the 3 kids and one for my amazing husband).
3. Make sure we eat a healthy dinner daily, whether it be leftovers or fresh made
4. Create new crafts for BrotzCreations on a weekly basis.  This one has been hard to focus on.  It seems to be the last thing on my list and by the end of the day, I can't seem the energy or motivation to complete my projects.
5. Keep in touch with friends and family.
6. Stick to our weekly budget.  I get side-track on this often when I stop reviewing the budget weekly, then I wonder where everything went at the end of the month.  Ugh!  Dave Ramsey wouldn't be too happy to hear that (he's a money guru if you've never heard of him).
7. Daily prayer/devotions

I'm sure I'll have more items that I'd want to list.  The question is, how do I keep up with these?  I feel like I'm so busy running after the girls and refereeing.  We do our errands in the morning hours so by the time we get home at lunch, I'm rushing to get them sandwiches made, then putting them in bed for naps. Not to mention, my energy disappears at about the same time because I'm not eating often enough.  

1. Make sure I eat often enough to keep my energy up
2. Rest!  Go to bed early instead of staying up reading blogs or babycenter.  At this point, I need to keep my energy up or I'm not going to do anyone favors the following day or days.
3. Stick to a schedule.  People make fun of my scheduling, but honestly, after a few months of 'winging it', my days have gotten so haywire and unproductive.
4. Make sure to not overexert myself with cleaning.  Limiting myself to working for an hour tops at a time should help me with my energy.  Not to mention making sure I stop to eat or rest.
5. Start early.  Since my energy seems to disappear come the lunch hour, I should attempt to get items done in the early morning hours.  Heck, I'm up at 6-7 most days with the girls anyway.  I might as well get stuff done then.
6. Stop going on the interweb.  Give myself only a short time frame at the end of the day AFTER the kids are in bed.  It's hard to avoid it, but I've turned off notifications to FB for my phone/email.  This is a big issue for me to turn away from.  If I had it my way, I'd leave my cell at home.  But with DH traveling, I need to keep it on me for when he has time to chat; and for emergencies.  
7. Devote more time to spending time with the kids as opposed to cleaning, or doing other chores.  Get them in on the fun and start them young on helping around the house.  Yes, they're 3 years and 21 months but they can help in their own ways.  I shouldn't be picking up their messes all the time.  They need to learn to clean up and no better time than now.
8. Make sure I spend a little time every day on my physical appearance.  I've gotten into the rut of 'well, no one will see me today anyway'.  But then I'm scrambling when I realize we forgot something at the store for dinner and I look like a disaster.
9. Limit TV time to 30 minutes a day for both the kids and myself.  We'd get so much more done when we don't have these distractions (just like the computers).
10. Make sure I show my family how much I love, appreciate, and care about them daily.  I want them to know how much I value their presence in my life and how blessed I am to have them.
11. Keeping God in everything of my life and throughout the day.  I already thank Him for my day, both good and things I need to work on, before I go to bed, but I'm trying to make my whole day for Him.

Now I'm sure I'll be able to think of more items to add to this list in the next few weeks/months.  I know this will all change come September when Peanut goes to preschool 2 days a week, then in November when our little man joins us.  I pray that I do God's work through the day and through my family.  It's not an easy journey but it's always an adventure.

Stormy Prayer Shawl

I started this project because I had a skein of yarn I bought from a craft indie fair almost 3 years ago. I have been on a real crocheting kick for the past 4 months or so. It's just so much faster than knitting. I hate knitting on DPN because I have such a tight stitch that I always have lines where the DPN end. So I found South Bay Shawlette by Lion Brand on ravelry, searching by weight of my yarn and the amount. I decided to give it a go. 

The original pattern called for 14 repeats of the lace pattern. But I had a few more yards of yarn than the pattern called for and I wanted to make it a bit larger than the photos on rav showed. I then found a really cute ending pattern by fanalaine on Ravelry. She wrote up her pattern in her notes. Because I didn't quite understand her write up for the last repeat of the "work dc2tog in next hdc, then in same sp. work (ch-3, dc2tog) 4 times", I decided to modify it to "hdc, 3dc, hdc in one space, skip stitch, sc, skip stitch, and repeat". 

I have been going through some things in my personal life that has required much faith on God. I needed to trust in Him, to know He would provide everything we (as a family) would need; be it food, shelter, help, etc. We did a study with my mom's group called Experiencing God. There are 7 stages of your relationship with God, number 5 being "A Crisis of Belief." I was there right before I started this shawl. God has called me to trust Him in my life. I won't lie, it's HARD. But I know He will take care of me, of us, and that he loves us. 

I figured I could really use a prayer shawl, especially in this time. The funny thing is, the yarn's colorway name is 'Stormy.' My life felt a bit stormy, but one that I knew God would help us weather. The entire time after I began modifying the pattern, I was worried I would run out of yarn. But I kept reminding myself that I needed to trust God. God would provide. That I needed to trust I wouldn't run out of yarn like I needed to trust God wanted the very best for me. I continued to pray and crochet (a funny side note is that I also crocheted while watching a few episodes of Merlin, c'mon, who doesn't love a good folk lore story about King Arthur?). I tried several edgings that were pretty, and I finally found one that I liked. When I finally got about half way through the final row, I started to fudge it and did a few '5 hdc' or '2hdc, dc, 2hdc' in the same stitch instead of the 'hdc, 3dc, hdc' in fear of running out of yarn since I was so close to the end. For those who aren't crochet literate, a dc (double crochet) takes more yarn to make than an hdc (or half double crochet). So I kept thinking I wouldn't be able to make it to the end of the shawl with enough yarn. I didn't have 100% faith. But I finished with enough yarn left over. Sure, I could have gone back to fix my mistakes and made this shawl completely perfect, however, I felt that I needed to leave these stitches in place to remind myself that I'm not perfect. 

My walk with God is not perfect. No one's walk is. But I need to remember that mine isn't because I need to not judge others if they're further in their walk or not with Jesus. He loves us all equally. We must do the same, regardless of sin. It's a hard realization. Though, remember that loving others does not mean that we accept mistakes if they are not truly sorry or repent. But we all sin. No one is perfect save Jesus. He is a wonderful role model, and He is mine. So this stormy prayer shawl is perfect for me in this time of my life and walk with Christ. And was completed just in time for Easter and the resurrection of Christ. 

Back of the shawl

Front of the shawl with tie